The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
