we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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