For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
