so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
