you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I want a musical about memes.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
