shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
