I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
