my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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