I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Your cock deserves a montage
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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