i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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