I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
