Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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