considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
