We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can't put those talents on a resume
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
