I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
