I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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