I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
