wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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