It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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