just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i am craving dick and cupcakes
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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