how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think I have vodka in my lungs
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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