If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
