Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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