dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
