And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
