i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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