I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
