I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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