He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
