One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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