Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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