The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
