I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
