FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have aggressive nipples.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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