Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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