You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Did I show you my penis last night?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
