My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
