I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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