I wish life had little blips of pornography
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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