I am spending my child support on dildos
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
