What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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