hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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