Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Barsexuality is the new black.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
