can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
