why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
