Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
