So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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