Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
