Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
