Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
