i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
