waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
tell me about the fingering
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