Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He shit in the fireplace
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