So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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